DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i was born a porn star she said
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
