shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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