we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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