my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
