i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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