I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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