New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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