Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
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