The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
