I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
