What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
