Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
