fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
