I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
