Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
