I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
