I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
