I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
