Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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