You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
