I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
