i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
