I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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