a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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