4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
