blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
