he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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