Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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