Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
