the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
