Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
