Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
