i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
