Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
