Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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