I'm going to jail i love you
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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