She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
