Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
