K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
