I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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