A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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