I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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