so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
