I love black thongs
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
