she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
