i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
