Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
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I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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