We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
