I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
