He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
