Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I understand Curling. That high.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
