I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
