He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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