I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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