I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
