Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
