i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
