i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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