i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
