The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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