weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
