she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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