Your tits are I can't wait for
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
