I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
