Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
