After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I did not marry a roomba.
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