You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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