I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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