Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
