dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
