And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
