Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
