How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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