Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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