Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
