Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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