i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
