Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
