I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
