She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
