It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
false alarm. still invincible.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
