dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
